I'm Taking Applications...

So I have decided that I need a dating sponsor. You know kind of like an AA sponsor but for dating. I think that AA and NA are really onto something. What a good idea to have someone there to hold your hand as you struggle through, someone who has been there and knows the challenges that you are facing. So I am applying that concept to my life. I don't think that this job will be as difficult as an AA sponsor. I don't foresee there being a big problem with drunken 2 am phone calls that result in them pulling me out of a bar in Payson (I don't even think there is a bar in Payson...is there?). No, this job will be more along the lines of keeping me dateable.

Primary job responsibilities will include:

• Briefing me on proper adult conversation topics (No, he won't care how long you breastfed for or how long it took to potty train Malakai)
• Wardrobe. (No, scrubs are not proper dating attire. I don't care if they are comfortable. Yes, that goes for pajama pants too!)
• Grooming. (This pointy stick looking thing is called eyeliner...Next I am going to introduce you to lipstick! No, chapstick is not the same thing!)
• Fine Dining Etiquette. (No, it doesn't class things up to actually go in to the McDonald's rather than the drive thru.)
• Talking me down from the edge. This will probably be where the 2 am part comes into play with this sponsor. I do foresee lots and lots of late night phone calls! (No, I don't know what he meant by that. No, I don't know why he hasn't called you. No, you definitely don't look fat! Put the Ben and Jerry's ice cream away, Krista!)

If any of you are interested in the job let me know. I am warning you though, until someone steps up you are all going to have to deal with my confusion and incessant questioning.